Today’s your birthday. You turn 67 today. God! I miss you so much. I tried calling dad a few minutes ago and I wasn’t able to reach him. Mom, if there is a heaven or an afterlife at all, please do something to help him. He misses you so much, we all miss you so much. But dad is so lost. When we talked yesterday he was shucking corn, told me how this corn was your favorite. It’s funny, in the two years since you have gone I have decided I’m an atheist. I say that I no longer believe in God or heaven. Except where you are concerned. I’m still mad at god for taking you. I still want to believe that there’s a heaven and that you are there and that one day we’ll be together again. I still believe that you can see me, be in the room with me, look down from a cloud. All of those things still go through my head and I wish they were true. I guess
that’s normal.
I posted a photo of you on Facebook today that says “Happy Birthday Mom”, I like doing things like that but it also worries me that when Shay sees it he’ll be worried about me. When he brings you up on the phone, or when he asks me “how’s pappy doing”, there’s such worry in his voice… I hate that he feels he has to worry about me or his pap and at the same time I’m very proud of him for being so sensitive.
I love you mom. I miss you so very much. I don’t know what else to say. You should still be here. We should be getting together and eating cake anxious to see what surprise is in the box dad has for you. I never thought you’d be gone this soon in my life.
