Happy Birthday Mom–Sept 10, 2011

Today’s your birthday.  You turn 67 today.  God! I miss you so much.  I tried calling dad a few minutes ago and I wasn’t able to reach him.  Mom, if there is a heaven or an afterlife at all, please do something to help him.  He misses you so much, we all miss you so much.  But dad is so lost.  When we talked yesterday he was shucking corn, told me how this corn was your favorite.  It’s funny, in the two years since you have gone I have decided I’m an atheist.  I say that I no longer believe in God or heaven.  Except where you are concerned.  I’m still mad at god for taking you.   I still want to believe that there’s a heaven and that you are there and that one day we’ll be together again.  I still believe that you can see me, be in the room with me, look down from a cloud. All of those things still go through my head and I wish they were true.  I guess

that’s normal. 

I posted a photo of you on Facebook today that says “Happy Birthday Mom”, I like doing things like that but it also worries me that when Shay sees it he’ll be worried about me.  When he brings you up on the phone, or when he asks me “how’s pappy doing”, there’s such worry in his voice… I hate that he feels he has to worry about me or his pap and at the same time I’m very proud of him for being so sensitive. 

I love you mom.  I miss you so very much.  I don’t know what else to say.  You should still be here. We should be getting together and eating cake anxious to see what surprise is in the box dad has for you.  I never thought you’d be gone this soon in my life. 

Mothers Day 2011

Happy Mothers Day mom!  I miss you so completely and I still have a hard time talking about my feelings.  Gioia the kids and dad were here yesterday and we celebrated Shay’s birthday.  We all had a wonderful day together and the boys and Lindsea are all growing so beautifully.  First of all I want to tell you a story that Shay told Gioia and I last night that will surely melt your heart. 
In talking to Shay he shared a story with us that he has a “special” place in his room where he keeps the Webkinz Buffalo stuffed animal that you gave him as a gift.  He told us that he keeps it in a special place because he thinks it’s the last gift that Nonni gave him and he doesn’t ever want to lose it.  You’d be so proud of him Mom.  We’ve always known that he’s a very smart little boy, what is just as impressive about him is that he’s that thoughtful and more. 
Jordan is really growing into a man.  He has really grown as a person.  His self confidence is soaring since his successes in Forensics and the bonds he has with his friends is something that I admire.   He’s getting ready for college and has submitted applications to two.  He’s so excited about it.  I love seeing his excitement. 
You should have seen Bryan last night, mom.  He was lighting up the room impersonating his friend.  The boy is so full of charm and personality. The moment he realizes just how charismatic he is the world is in trouble.  I love hearing how he sees life and watching him learn more and more.  I can hardly believe that he’s 15, it’s almost cruel that they’re growing so fast.
Lindsea is a little pistol.  Nothing escapes her.  She notices everything and comprehends it all.   Today she surprised me. While she was out front writing on the walk with sidewalk chalk she found a potato bug crawling around.  I’m used to her being afraid of bugs but this one, she carried around showing to everyone.  When it was time to leave she wanted to take it with her.  When Gioia told her that she had to leave it here with the rest of the potato bugs she was immediately concerned that this potato bug wouldn’t find his family.  It was so adorable.
I miss you mom.