On easter Sunday we will be visiting moms mausoleum drawer.
Dad is bringing the laminator and the kids, Gioia and I have the chance to put something on paper and we’ll hang it from her bud vase.
I’ve searched and searched for poems and writings to a deceased mother from son and nothing has struck a chord with me. There’s so much I’d want to say to her yet none of it seems to come easily to paper. A few moments ago, as I was contemplating what theme I could pursue in writing down what I’d like to say an old song from my brother of another mother came to mind. Prince, Sometimes It Snows In April. If I just change a few words this would be very fitting.
I’m now troubled by what to put on the poem. I’m not sure what my mother would have said were her favorite flowers. I do know that my father called her Ruby B. Begonia all of my life. So I’ll try to find a fitting image of begonias that I can use.
What follows is the lyrics to Princes song. Since I heard this song about 25 years ago, I’ve always thought that it put to music what I’d feel if I ever lost someone I loved. Now that I’ve lost the first person that I was truly in love with, I know that I was right all those years ago.
Sometimes It Snows In April
Nonni died soon after a long fought civil war,
just after we'd wiped away her last tear
I guess she's better off than she was before,
A whole lot better off than the fools she left here
I used 2 cry 4 Mommy because she was my only friend
Those kind of cars don't pass u every day
I used 2 cry 4 Mommy because I wanted to see her again,
But sometimes sometimes life ain't always the way...
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending,
but all good things, they say, never last
Springtime was always my favorite time of year,
A time 4 lovers holding hands in the rain
Now springtime only reminds me of Mommy’s tears
She’d always cry 4 love, never cry 4 pain
She used 2 say so strong unafraid to die
Unafraid of the death that left me hypnotized
Now, staring at her picture I realize
No one could cry the way my Mother cried
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad
Sometimes, sometimes I wish that life was never ending,
but all good things, they say, never last
I often dream of heaven and I know my mother’s there
I know that she has found another friend
Maybe she's found the answer 2 all the April snow
Maybe one day I'll see my Mother again
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending,
But all good things, they say, never last
All good things they say, never last
And love, it isn't love until it's past
My mother, for years, told me how she wasn’t going to live long enough to be a withered little old lady. As the end came nearer she tried to prepare me for the fact that she would likely not live very much longer. I wouldn’t believe that she was really leaving us as we all battled the murderer named leukemia that was slowly stealing her from us. Every other Monday from February through June, I’d accompany my mother to the hospital to receiver her treatments. We’d spend the day in her hospital room, talking, or playing cards, or I’d simply sit in the chair as she slept with the IV hooked up to her arm. I’m thankful for those days. We spoke more like we did when I was a young man. Not the bickering that had overcome us in recent years. Had she and I not had those days together I believe that her passing would have been, would be much harder for me.
We’re going to visit mom on Easter. I look forward to it, and I’m glad that I’ll have something to leave there this time.
The photo attached is what I worked up in photoshop. I used a field of marigolds because my mom used to plant them out in the front yard, also because I thought the photo looked very “spring-like”. I hope dad likes it.
